Christmas 2017

It's Christmas Eve morning. It's quiet in Winthrop. I've got coffee, my thoughts and music.

Yesterday was so special, I don't really need much more. Ambryn and Alex moved into their first house in Minneapolis. Enough of the Melius clan and a new friend were able to help and we capped off the venture with pizza and cans of Coke.

Kim would have liked it. Particularly the Coke. And she would have loved the character of this new home. I'm thinking a lot of new family memories are going to take place here.

I've not written on this space for over a year. It was a calculated choice I made after the first anniversary of Kim's death. One, I needed to take a breather from those deepest of emotions. Blogging regularly, each month, about some of my most personal thoughts wasn't easy. But it was important to me to honor a promise to both myself and to Kim's memory. Two, I've been writing tons in my job and I'm still working on balance.

Today, it still feels like yesterday. And light years ago. It's that complex process which I'm guessing many who experience loss feel while coping with both memories and the challenges of moving forward. We deeply want to remember; we desperately want to move on.

This last year has been one of great importance to me and my family. Grandchild number five, Louis, joined us. It was the first grandchild Kim missed, so I'm hoping there's some spiritual presence allowing her to look in. I do know that there will be so many of these experiences she'll miss. It's truly been the most difficult thing for me, experiencing these special moments without her. It has hit the kids hard, as well. It's a guilt complex that I'm told I shouldn't have to experience, but I do. I'm working through this one.

But the fact that Sarah and Andy and Juni, living in Traverse City, Michigan, thought enough of my dad, Puddy, to bless us with yet another Louis Melius was stunning, special. It means these generations of the Melius family live on in many ways. The year brought Ambryn and Alex back to Minnesota, into that new home. Mikell joined them in a move to her own place in Minneapolis. It moved on with Matt and Krystal as homeowners in St. Peter, just as Billy and Jess and Myles continue to call this special community home. And the oldest grandkids, Bryce and Brynn, amaze with their talents. Ben and Brooke are raising two special youngsters in Mankato.

For me, my Winthrop roots remain, however distant, even while I am privileged to meet new friends and community leaders in St. Peter, Waseca, Le Sueur and Le Center. Managing four newspapers means a ton of time away from my hometown and plenty of late hours. I still struggle to find balance and while I miss the tightest bonds of community, I love to keep learning and growing.

Those who know me best understand I'm a bit complicated, always searching for answers, always wondering what's next. There's a touch of being grounded while lost in space.

What I do know is this: Most people have good in their hearts. Sometimes it takes a moment to understand it; sometimes the common good is a trifle distorted; sometimes it's lost in the madness.

But it's there. And if that thought ever escapes us, look inward. Surrounding oneself with those who are special to one's heart is all it takes for me.

Yesterday was one of those days. Earlier in the week, at the 318 Cafe in Excelsior, was another. Twin sister Neesi and I took in a Keri Noble show in that intimate setting. Another simple, special moment in time.

Life is moving on. Who knows what's next? But I do know that my six children and five grandkids will add to the Melius family memories. And those old memories will remain dear to all of us.

Merry Christmas. Spread the peace and love. Kim would like that, too.