Seven months-plus: Trying to find the right words to move forward

It's been well over seven months since Kim died Nov. 23, 2015. I had promised myself to write down my thoughts each month, trying to best explain the journey of my family.

This one's been the most difficult. And I'm really not sure why.

I started jotting down my thoughts only days after that 7-month mark -- June 23. A week later, I went at it again. But after a couple attempts, I set it all aside.

Now, as we're closing in on the eighth month, I'm back at it once more. Maybe my loss of words was because of a crazy schedule. Or maybe there were simply too many special days from May 24 through June 23. But what I truly fear is that the memories are fading.

I don't want that.

There were so many firsts again. One of those was granddaughter Juni's first birthday, which Grandma Kim would have truly loved. Matt and I had planned to get out to Andy and Sarah's in Traverse City, Michigan, but both our schedules complicated the long, 12-hour drive there for Juni's big day.

Then Mikell's stubbornness, planning and unique ability to pull the string on decision-making rose to the top. Thinking Matt and I were driving there for a quick visit and turnaround, Mikell bought a plane ticket to Traverse City and hoped to ride back to Minnesota with Matt and I.

But she's smart, and knows us. Mikell purchased insurance on that ticket...just in case we changed plans or didn't make it to Michigan. The Melius car history is well-known.

Matt and I did change plans. Still, I pretty much figured Mikell would then drive out on her own, and I didn't want that. So, the two of us made the crazy trip together, and back. It was worth it.

Juniper Melius, 1, is one happy little girl. Darn near a spitting image of her father, Andy. And, as the kids have ceremoniously noted, a hair style like her Grandpa Melius. Thin, sprouting up, more than a bit goofy and wild.

It was a tiring trip back to Minnesota, but well worth the effort. And as Mikell noted, Kim would have wanted us there.

Time to take some time off

There's really no other way to put it: I need time off. Since taking a week off to plan Kim's funeral, I've pretty much dug into my job at the St. Peter Herald and Le Sueur News-Herald. There's been a lot of moments which have convinced me to take a break. There was none more direct than a Friday morning covering a volunteer appreciation at the Minnesota Valley Health Center in Le Sueur.

I have spent a lot of time in nursing homes, assisted living facilities and retirement centers. For almost a 7-year stretch, I had visited my father, Pud, and mother, Karen, through their final days.

But prior to that, Kim's work in the hospice field placed me in the middle of her amazing work. She was a great hospice social worker. I admired her for that talent and dedication to bringing dignity and understanding for those dying and their families.

As I visited with some volunteers and staff members -- and as I had become more and more aware during my early weeks in Le Sueur -- I realized Kim had touched many families in the area during her days in hospice.

It made me proud of Kim's work through the years.

Now, it is time for me to re-examine my accomplishments, as well as my flaws, and consider the future. For the future is full of amazing opportunities. But to contribute, I need time off. And I'm planning to do so in July.

Through it, I will both honor Kim's legacy, and try to reshape mine.