Four Months...and a week on the Melius docket

I'm making progress. I passed one of the true benchmarks of being able to move on a bit from the unexpectedness of Kim's Nov. 23 death -- I was able to watch another TV episode of NCIS.

It's one of those funny things but so real. Kim loved NCIS. She'd watched the reruns on the USA network...over and over. And she remain quite pissed over Ziva David leaving.

But I had tried to sit down and watch an NCIS episode shortly after Kim's funeral, and it became too emotional. It didn't seem fair she wasn't there in the living room.

It was the same with the show Castle. Son Ben got Kim hooked on that one, and it did give me a bit of reprieve from NCIS.

Kim had these spurts, favoring certain series. The first was Star Trek: The Next Generation. She moved on more recently to rerun movie marathons, particularly the Harry Potter films and James Bond. Now, none of it seems right watching. So I don't. Maybe one NCIS episode will move me a bit further down this path.

And I am moving on. It's day-to-day and never quite the same. I immerse myself in work at times, lucky to have good friends in both the journalism profession and personal life. I keep reaching out to those I trust and who I believe are comfortable dealing with my thoughts. Not everyone is. Not everyone talks of death easily or openly. Kim taught me that, how different people deal with death.

I know each of my kids are dealing with it differently, as well. Ben is in Mankato and spending many weekends following two dancers -- Bryce and Brynn. They're both amazing in their own unique ways. Brooke, I think, is taking Kim's death as hard as anyone. But I appreciate her questions and glad Kim meant so much to her. Unique relationships often add to this amazing journey, and their's was.

Ambryn is hanging on in Seattle, anxious to move back to Minnesota. Her and Alex experienced Kim at her fullest during their 2015 wedding. Today, with Kim gone, that Seattle wedding seems almost magical in many ways. As I have noted before, it was the first time Kim and I had ever sat together in an airplane, after more than 36 years of marriage and four years prior. It surprised both of us when we realized it. We lived such different lifestyles, contrasting professions, often with separate friend networks. Those of us who made Seattle will never forget it.

Billy has become as proud a dad as I've seen. He and Jess live in St. Peter, so I've been able to see them often, babysitting some, watching our only grandson Myles admire the world around him. He's a serious little tyke, much like his dad. And a momma's boy. One of my fondest memories is seeing Kim and Myles gazing out their living room window, watching the simple things, both in amazement, surely in different views.

Matt took a new job as executive chef at the Henderson RoadHaus. I'm so happy for his change, for I've rarely seen a harder worker than Matt. And Henderson is such a grand community, with that historic downtown and dedicated leadership network. He's going to be moving there in June, and awaits an August wedding with fiance, Krystal.

That wedding is going to be emotional in many ways. It's the fourth straight summer of weddings for the Melius family, but the only one Kim will miss. We never imagined she wouldn't be around for it, so all of us need to keep that in mind as we move closer to that celebration.

Andy and Sarah are both special ed teachers and coaches in Traverse City, Michigan. It's a gorgeous place, and we're also fortunate Kim was able to see it. Granddaughter Juniper might just be the happiest little tyke ever. I'm proud of those two teachers, as I am of many of those in that underpaid, increasingly tough profession. And I'm more proud of their parenting skills.

And there's Mikell. She has been a rock of support for me these months. She's taken tons of time to spend it with me, living (most of the time) in Winthrop at the house. And she's joined me at the St. Peter Herald and has gained the trust and support of fellow co-workers in our demanding field, as well. She'll be settling into her own apartment soon. There are no ways to properly thank her for what she's given to me since Kim died.

Mikell now needs her own space; we both understand that. She just turned 24, remains adventurous, having spent time in Europe and more recently a hiking trip into some of the most amazing scenery in the southwestern region of the Grand Canyon.

Just as importantly, I need to move on. That is so difficult to put my arms around. It hurts saying it, it hurts typing it. I had been fully prepared to move on helping Kim in her health journey. And I was proud of her in many ways, for she was opening up about it and glad to finally come to grips with it all. As difficult as these four months have been at times, I am so fortunate to have been next to her during her challenges, just as she was for me.

March 24 would have been our 37th anniversary. It's also Billy and Grandpa Mel's birthdays. It was, needeless to say, a big day in the Melius-Polzin families. And, as always, we made it through with ongoing love.

I will do the same in the months and years to come. But, dearest Kim, it is time to move on. Just as you have. I miss you, but you will forever be in my heart and soul. And those grandest of accomplishments -- Ben, Ambryn, Billy, Matt, Andy and Mikell -- will hold you, as well.

Peace. Let us all find peace.